


Welcome to samandjack

by Sue Corkill (mscorkill)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-04
Updated: 2012-04-04
Packaged: 2017-11-03 01:41:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/375676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mscorkill/pseuds/Sue%20Corkill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jonas discovers the samandjack list.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to samandjack

**Author's Note:**

> Co-written with Wendy Parkinson. 
> 
>  
> 
> Notes from Wendy:  
> This was Sue's idea... honest. I just tagged along for the  
> ride. ;-)
> 
> Thanks to everyone who offered plot suggestions, particularly the SJHW.
> 
> For the uninitiated: the very silly premise of this entire series is that  
> Daniel, and now a large percentage of the SGC, are members of the samandjack  
> mailing list. The rest of the stories can be found on my website at  
> http://homepage.ntlworld.com/wendy.parkinson/stargate/index.htm
> 
> The Cloning Machine can be found at -  
> http://pixies-bookshelf.com/tvland/sg1/clone_order.html
> 
> Season/Sequel info: set during Revelations, season six. 17th in the Danny  
> Lurks series, sequel to 'Love, Death and Temporal Mechanics'
> 
> Originally posted December 2002

**Welcome to samandjack**

 

Jonas put the box he carried down on the desk and stepped back. He couldn't stop the grin that formed as he looked around the room-his office. His office! He finally had a place to work in that was his own! He'd been on Earth for a little over a month and had been determined to prove his worth and value. And now, General Hammond had decided to give him a chance-and an office.

 

"Jonas?"

 

He turned his smiling face to the door and saw Lieutenant Lewis. "Lorraine! Come in! Come in!" 

 

She grinned at him and crossed to where he stood by the desk. "Here's the key." He took the shiny new key from her outstretched hand and felt his grin get even wider. "So, I take it you like?" she asked.

 

He let his eyes wander around the small room, taking in the bookshelves, worktable, desk, computer.... "It's perfect."

 

She laughed. "I don't know if I'd call it that." Lorraine looked at her clipboard. "The TV will be delivered this afternoon and I've already put in a requisition to get it hooked up to the satellite." She handed him a piece of paper. "Here's your computer login name and password."

 

Jonas looked curiously at the paper. Login name: jonas_quinn Password: K256js

 

"You'll be prompted every month to change your password."

 

"Thanks, Lorraine," he said sincerely. "I don't know what I would have done without your help."

 

She laughed. "You'd have gotten along just fine."

 

"I'm not so sure about that."

 

"Okay, well..." she started backing towards the door. "You have my extension?" He nodded. "Then I'll leave you to your unpacking."

 

"Thanks again!" he called out after her. Opening the box, he pulled a stack of composition books out and put them on the desk. It didn't take him long to empty the box of the few items he'd accumulated. When it was empty, he set it on the floor and sat down in the chair at his desk. He was immediately impressed with his chair. It was comfortable. He leaned back experimentally. It moved and it rolled! Not bad, even if the upholstery was a rather dull institutional gray. Some things in the universal remained constant. Jonas studied his desk next, opening the drawers. Some odds and ends, paper clips, rubber bands, several mechanical pencils. Checking the other drawers, he was somewhat disappointed to find them empty. He'd fill them up soon enough, he hoped. He placed all but one of the composition books in the empty bottom drawer and turned his attention back to the top of his desk...and his computer. Well, monitor to be precise, he corrected himself. He ran his hand tenderly along one side of it. Finally! He was going to have his own computer! No more using the computer in the base library, no more limited access; he had his own computer. And, he picked up the paper Lorraine had left him. His own login name and password. 

 

Looking under the kneehole in the desk, he quickly found the computer and turned it on. The expected and now familiar hum of the computer powering up and the monitor activating had him smiling again. The network login window appeared and pulling the keyboard towards him, he dutifully typed in his name and password. After several agonizing minutes, his desktop appeared. Interesting...instead of the usual plain background he'd become familiar with in the library, the picture on the monitor was what he recognized as the pyramids of Egypt. Jonas frowned slightly. He knew this office had been Doctor Jackson's, he must have his computer as well. He'd investigated changing the picture later, right now he was eager to get 'onto the 'net', as the local lingo went.

 

Locating the Internet Explorer icon, Jonas clicked his mouse on it and tried to wait patiently as the page loaded. He was almost bursting with excitement when the screen finally resolved into...a picture of Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill? He checked the URL-www.samandjack.net? The name of the site-Sam/Jack Directory-made no more sense to him than the black and white picture of Carter and O'Neill that was looking back at him. Were Major Carter's eyes really that blue? He made a mental note to check that out the next time he saw her. He frowned and decided to investigate more fully, clicking on the frames picture, he entered the SJD.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Jonas Quinn."

 

"Ah, Teal'c." Jonas dragged his bleary eyes away from the computer screen and tried to focus on the man standing in the doorway.

 

"You did not appear at the designated time for your self-defense lesson."

 

Jonas closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to clear his mind and drag his thoughts away from the display on his computer. He'd had no idea Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill were involved with each other! He opened his bloodshot eyes and looked at the Jaffa. "Teal'c, I'm sorry." He shrugged his shoulders. "I got caught up in this reading." He looked at his watch then. It couldn't be 1600 already! Could he really have been at the computer reading for six hours?

 

Teal'c crossed the room and looked over his shoulder at the computer screen. "Ah," he said, and Jonas detected a wealth of understanding in his voice. "Andromeda by Alli Snow. You have chosen well."

 

"You know about this?"

 

The Jaffa merely inclined his head in the manner that Jonas had discovered meant, 'of course, you simpleton'. Jonas felt even more bewildered. "But when? And how?" He gestured towards the monitor. "These...stories, if that's what you call them, are amazing. These people seem to know everything about the SGC and the people here!"

 

"Have you eaten today, Jonas Quinn?"

 

"Ah, no." He hadn't even realized he'd been so involved in reading that he'd skipped lunch until Teal'c brought it up-and reminded his now growling stomach. 

 

"Let us obtain sustenance and I shall endeavor to explain."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Meanwhile...far, far away

 

"Oma?" Daniel's voice was plaintive. "You're an all powerful being. I really don't see why I can't check my email."

 

The woman smiled enigmatically. "The ether flows where it can, the dam must burst for man to find what he seeks."

 

The shimmering light around the archaeologist dipped slightly as he frowned. "What?"

 

"The DSL line is down again," muttered Oma, suddenly finding her brilliantly white shoes very interesting. Daniel noted that at least she had the good grace to look embarrassed.

 

He narrowed his eyes. "You know, this whole cryptic thing can get very old very quickly." Pushing his glasses sulkily up his nose, he turned with the intention of storming out of the room, then remembered that on an ascended plane of existence there weren't any rooms... or slammable doors. He sat down heavily with his back to Oma and realized that he was a little homesick. Daniel sighed deeply. For probably ninety-five per cent of the time he was fine with his new life and was content with his decision to ascend. He'd seen and done things beyond his wildest imagination, been the first human to experience this new and exciting form of existence. A more spiritually minded man might say he'd walked with gods, possibly a more arrogant man might say he'd become a god. So yes, he was happy with his new life but every now and then the remnants of his human side showed through and he couldn't escape the fact that he missed his regular samandjack fix.

 

Oma had installed a DSL line at his request but it turned out that on this particular plane of existence that stood for 'Decidedly Suspect Link'. It didn't work most of the time and when it did, it only connected to other ascended beings via their own dedicated ISP, letsallglow.com. He'd made the best of it and even made a few online buddies in the one and only chat room he'd found, but it just wasn't the same as talking to Ness and everyone else at samandjack.

 

Daniel had even suggested the idea of writing stories to some of his new buddies but they didn't quite seem to grasp the concept. The replies he got were so clothed in imagery, metaphor and symbolism they were completely unintelligible, at least to Daniel.

 

If only he could go on line in the regular way.... Perhaps it was time to pay the SGC a visit. It was kind of against the rules but he wouldn't touch anything or contact anyone, so he couldn't see what harm he could do. He'd just poke around the base computer for a while.

 

Daniel sat down and closed his eyes, concentrating hard. He pictured the SGC and imagined walking down the corridor to his office, then opening the door. Jonas was sitting at his desk, staring transfixed at the computer. Daniel moved himself closer and peered over the other man's shoulder. When he saw what Jonas was reading, he let out a gasp of surprise, which translated into a slight breeze that ruffled Jonas' hair. Daniel took a step back as Jonas turned towards him and rubbed the back of his neck. Being careful not to disturb Jonas again, Daniel tried to gather his thoughts. The SJD! Jonas appeared to be working his way through the fanfiction on the SJD! Daniel looked over Jonas' shoulder again. Andromeda by Alli Snow. He could remember that one. It was a shame Jonas had nearly finished; he would have enjoyed reading that again.

 

Then an idea struck him. Could he influence Jonas to join samandjack? That would be easier than trying to influence the base computer to let him check his email. Inanimate objects could be so...well, intractable. He just needed to get inside Jonas' head and give him a little suggestion. Who'd ever know?

 

He slowly breathed in and imagined getting closer and closer to Jonas, until he was brushing the top of his head, then, with a sharp exhale he was inside the other man's brain, jostling for position with a myriad of thoughts and feelings. It felt like he was in the eye of a storm, tossed and buffeted by the wind. Daniel took a deep breath to steady himself. Gradually the chaos subsided and he gently began to prod at Jonas' mind, trying to suggest he look for the samandjack list. Daniel waded through story after story, a few weather reports, some phone numbers and addresses, more stories, the complete works of Shakespeare, a list of fast food restaurants, a few NC17 stories, lyrics to hundreds of songs, assorted sexual fantasies and what appeared to be an infinite amount of trivia, including the plots of various sci-fi series and soap operas. How on earth did Jonas find the time to watch all those shows? Daniel shook his head and took a metaphorical step back for a moment. There was no escaping the fact that this guy had an incredible memory! His mind was so full of stuff Daniel wasn't sure how to implant a suggestion so that it'd get noticed. Jonas would probably think the samandjack list belonged in the latest installment of the X-Files.

 

A noise broke Daniel's concentration and he found himself back in his office looking at Jonas, and now Teal'c. The sound he'd heard must have been the Jaffa entering the room. The two men were talking.

 

"Let us obtain sustenance and I shall endeavor to explain," said Teal'c.

 

Daniel shrugged his shoulders. Oh well, he might as well tag along.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Jonas stared at Teal'c over the commissary table, his plate of spaghetti bolognese completely forgotten. "You're telling me the Colonel and the Major write stories too? And that all this has been going on for years?" he spluttered incredulously, then added, almost as an afterthought, "Do you...er...participate?"

 

Teal'c nodded. "I have had many interesting conversations with Vanessa. She introduced me to singing and taught me several songs that my teammates say they will never forget."

 

Jonas, who had heard the Jaffa's rendition of Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini in the locker room only the day before was beginning to think this Vanessa had to answer for a lot.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Several weeks later back on Earth....

 

Sam nodded briefly to the airman that passed by, feigning an air of casualness and nonchalance as she lurked in the corridor, waiting for the Colonel. She looked at her watch again, damn the man! Where was he? Everyday, like clockwork, he would leave his office at 1035 and go to the commissary for coffee. And it was now 1040...people were going to get more than suspicious if she stayed in the corridor much longer. She sighed and had decided she'd just have to track him down in his office when she heard familiar boot steps coming towards her. O'Neill rounded the corridor and Sam grabbed him by the collar and hauled him into the storeroom strategically positioned behind her.

 

"Hey!" O'Neill yelped. Once they were safely inside the cramped supply room, Sam quickly let him go, pulling the door shut behind her and locking it. She leaned against the door for a moment, in an effort to catch her breath, frantically trying to recall the speech she'd rehearsed earlier.

 

O'Neill was leaning casually against a large metal rack. "You know, Carter, if you want to get me alone in a supply closet, all you have to do is ask?" He waggled his eyebrows at her.

 

Sam frowned; this wasn't going quite as she had planned. And the way he was looking at her was wreaking havoc with her insides. Don't go there, girlfriend, she reminded herself and tried to pull her scattered thoughts together. Finally abandoning her pre-planned speech she blurted out, "We have a situation, sir."

 

He raised an eyebrow. "A situation? We always have situations, Major. You're going to have to be a little more specific than that."

 

"It's Jonas." 

 

" And? But? So? Therefore?"

 

She sighed heavily. "He's found the SJD."

 

Sam watched in amazement at the expressions that crossed her CO's face-confusion, dawning comprehension, understanding and then returning to confusion. "That site's still around? Don't they know he doesn't want to be saved?"

 

It was her turn to stare at O'Neill in confusion. What the heck was he talking about? Oh...understanding finally dawned for her and she gave him an exasperated look. "Not the SDJ, the SJD-the Sam & Jack Directory."

 

"Oh. Well, how does that qualify as a situation, Major? Half the base knows about the directory."

 

She could feel a headache starting. "After Daniel...ascended, Hammond put certain...controls in place. Only a limited number of base personnel have access to the SJD and the lists."

 

O'Neill looked perplexed again and muttered, "I know I'm not getting all my memos...."

He looked at her. "And I take it Jonas shouldn't have this kind of access?"

 

Sam left her position by the door and sat down wearily on a couple of sturdy looking boxes. "Yeah, whoever was responsible for setting up Jonas' computer access and computer gave him the same access-and computer-that Daniel had."

 

"Ah...I see." Jack looked at his watch and started inching towards the door. "Well, that doesn't seem that bad, Carter. Just cancel his access."

 

"He's joined the samandjack list."

 

O'Neill stopped and started to speak, "That doesn't seem..."

 

Sam interrupted, "And he has an email account."

 

"Well, we all have email accounts," Jack countered.

 

"We all don't have email accounts called 'jonas@samandjack.net'."

 

"samandjack.net?"

 

"Yeah," she sighed again. "The SJD has it's own domain now."

 

"Cool!" O'Neill grinned at her and Sam had to clench her hands together to keep from slapping him! 

 

"You're not taking this seriously, Colonel."

 

"No, you're right, I'm not." He even managed to look contrite for a brief moment. "I'm sorry, Carter, but...how does Jonas having access to the SJD and a rather...unique email address qualify as a situation?"

 

She let her bomb drop. "He's been corresponding with Ness."

 

"Oh," was all he said as his face suddenly lost its smile and he sank down on a box next to her. "That could be a problem."

 

"You can say that again." They both sat in morose silence for a few minutes.

 

"Has she finished Surrender?"

 

Incredulous, Sam turned her head and just looked at him. Jonas was corresponding with someone who was considered a high security risk and all the Colonel could think about was whether she had finished that never ending WIP? "That's hardly important."

 

"Well, maybe not to you," he muttered a tad ungraciously. 

 

A sullen silence fell between them until Sam felt compelled to add, "And besides, Suz is currently the Queen of WIPs." She wasn't sure what provoked her to make the waspish comment, except for the fact that she was a little annoyed too, that Surrender wasn't finished. Not to mention those WIPs of Suz's currently in limbo.

 

He actually brightened up with her comment. "As in whips and chains?"

 

She glared at him. "No, as in W-I-P," she spelled out for him, "work in progress."

 

"Ah," his expression once more became downcast and they both resumed their morose musings. At least hers were morose, and judging by the look on the Colonel's face, his thoughts weren't any happier. But, this wasn't getting them anywhere.

 

"Sir..."

 

"Okay, Carter." O'Neill stood and his voice took on that ever so familiar command tone that told Sam she wasn't going to like what was coming next. "You go and have a little chat with Jonas. Make sure he doesn't go blabbing to all and sundry about the list. And stop him talking to Ness. I'm going to go get my coffee." He turned and tugged ineffectually on the still locked door handle. "As soon as someone unlocks this door..."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Alone in his office, Jonas sat at his desk and tried hard to stop himself blushing. Oh my... never in his wildest dreams had he imagined doing that with Major Carter. To make Ness write something like Complete Control, he must have really annoyed her. But try as he might, he couldn't think what he'd done to upset Ness that much. Unless it was asking her when she was going to post the next part of Surrender....

 

A tap on the door interrupted his embarrassed thoughts. "Come in," he shouted, desperately trying to compose himself. The limited success he was having evaporated like the morning mist when he saw his visitor.

 

"Hi," said Sam, smiling weakly at him. He noticed her eyes flit nervously to his computer, then equally nervously back to him. 

 

Jonas took in her twitchy demeanor and the apparent fascination with which she kept looking over his shoulder at his emails and instantly came to the conclusion that she'd read the story too. He felt an immediate urge to apologize. "Oh Major Carter, I'm sorry...." he began.

 

She frowned at him. "You're new at this so I appreciate you might not be aware of the protocols involved. I think all I need to say at the moment is that it would be a good idea to be more discreet. We don't want the whole base knowing about it. And don't talk to Ness again!"

 

Jonas nodded earnestly. After this story, he didn't particularly want to talk to Ness either. And he could understand Major Carter wanting to keep it quiet. "Don't worry," he said, "I won't tell a soul. And I definitely won't be chatting with Ness."

 

"Good. And just for the record, so you know where we stand on this.... I'd love it all to come true one day, and so would the Colonel."

 

"Er... right..." Jonas watched her leave his office, his mouth hanging open in shock. Had she just propositioned him?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Sam let out a deep breath as she headed back to her office. That was kind of embarrassing but went quite well all things considered, she thought to herself. She'd told Jonas where they stood on the samandjack stories and warned him to be more discreet. And he'd seemed quite happy to stop talking to Ness. That should do the trick for now....

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Jonas wandered down the corridor towards the commissary, desperately trying to figure out what was going on. Major Carter's attitude to the story about them was baffling. She was mad with Ness, but she wanted it to happen one day? ... and to say that the Colonel wanted it to happen too? He shook his head. There was obviously a lot about human relationships he didn't know....

 

He turned a corner to walk straight into a small child. The little boy sat down abruptly and stared up at him from his vantage point on the floor. Jonas thought he looked vaguely familiar and was trying to place where he knew him from when Colonel O'Neill shot out of a nearby room and grabbed the child. "Marty! For crying out loud! How many times do I have to tell you? You are not allowed out on your own!" The Colonel glanced at Jonas, quickly taking in his uniform, then said, "Sorry about that, airman, they're a devil to keep an eye on at this age!" And with that, he took the boy and disappeared back into the infirmary.

 

Today was getting progressively stranger, he reflected. First Major Carter propositioned him, then the Colonel called him 'airman' as if they'd never met before... and who was that kid? Marty, the Colonel called him. Perhaps it was time to have another little chat with Teal'c...

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"There is a cloning machine..." said Teal'c solemnly.

 

"That's scientifically impossible," interrupted Jonas.

 

"Not for the samandjack list," replied Teal'c, raising an eyebrow at Jonas.

 

"What does it clone?"

 

"The correct word is 'who', not 'what'."

 

Jonas' mouth dropped open. "Who?" he echoed.

 

"Colonel O'Neill, Major Carter, Daniel Jackson... there were others too. I believe the Major Kawalsky clone is still living in Canada."

 

"Why are you telling me this?"

 

"Two of the clones are living nearby, in base housing..."

 

"But what has this got to do with the rampant weirdness that's been attacking me today?"

 

"I believe you encountered the O'Neill clone and his son in the corridor. I had heard that they had an appointment with Doctor Fraiser today."

 

Jonas just stared at the Jaffa. For once, words totally failed him. He gestured vaguely in the air, indicating that Teal'c should carry on.

 

"The O'Neill and Major Carter clones have a son, Martouf George. He is a most intelligent child."

 

"Does General Hammond approve of this?" Jonas asked incredulously.

 

"He does not know. He believes they are living in California with Sue Corkill."

 

"I've sent her feedback!" said Jonas enthusiastically, and then he frowned. "So why are they back here? Sue seems like a real nice lady."

 

Teal'c nodded in agreement. "She is. However, she owns two cats, Samantha and Cassie, and the child was allergic to them. They had to leave."

 

"So how did they get back here if the General doesn't know?"

 

"O'Neill placed a requisition for their housing amongst many others and engaged the General in conversation about his granddaughters as he was signing the papers."

 

"Sneaky."

 

"Indeed."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Several days later...still on Earth.

 

Daniel stood behind Jonas and tried to read over his shoulder. It was kind of frustrating, particularly as Jonas either read a lot faster than the archaeologist, or skipped large chunks of his mails. Daniel kept missing vital pieces of stories. Perhaps he could try influencing Jonas again. When he'd tried it a few weeks ago, he'd got interrupted by Teal'c but Jonas had still joined the samandjack list, presumably because he'd planted the seed of the idea deep in his subconscious. Of course, it could have been Teal'c actually telling Jonas about it but this wasn't a readily acceptable idea to an ascended being so Daniel quickly pushed it aside.

 

So, considering his previous success, it should be pretty straightforward to make Jonas read a little slower. He concentrated hard; breathing deeply and slowly and with a quick push, entered the other man's mind. As before it was stuffed full of minutiae, all the trivia he'd seen before plus a medical dictionary and all his research notes on the Stargate project, Abydos and Ancient Egypt. Daniel felt a swell of pride. It was nice to know someone was reading his work. But one recurring thought dominated all else - Ness' latest story. Daniel didn't find that a particularly strange idea, after all, on several occasions he'd been so engrossed by stories he'd not been able to get them out of his mind. To get Jonas this badly, it had to be a WIP. He gently probed a little deeper, then stopped dead when he found more details. Graphic details. Sam and Jonas doing it.... Sam attracted to Jonas... Jonas attracted to Sam....

 

A faint echo broke his concentration. "Jonas is attracted to Sam."

 

Oh no, that wasn't the thought he'd wanted to implant in Jonas' brain at all! But before he could correct the mistake by thinking, "Sam has level four hand to hand", Jonas had jumped up and virtually run out of his office, breaking the link between them in the process.

 

"Oh crap!" muttered Daniel to no-one in particular.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"How dare you!"

 

Teal'c paused outside of Major Carter's lab and was wondering if she required assistance when he heard Jonas Quinn's agitated voice. 

 

"Wait! I'm sor..."

 

Followed by the unmistakable sound of what he surmised was Major Carter's fist impacting with some portion of Jonas Quinn's anatomy. Teal'c heard a thud, which to his experienced ears sounded just like a body hitting the floor. He barely had time to move out of Major Carter's path when she suddenly stormed out of her lab. Her face was flushed with anger and her eyes were filled with outrage as she hurried past him without saying a word. Teal'c watched her stride down the hallway...interesting.

 

Teal'c entered the Major's lab and saw Jonas Quinn sitting on the floor, dabbing at his mouth with a handkerchief. Jonas looked up, disbelief all over his face. "She hit me!"

 

"Indeed. What did you do to provoke Major Carter to attack you?"

 

"I was just trying to help." Jonas stood up, continuing to dab at his rapidly swelling lip. "Is it bleeding?"

 

"It appears whatever bleeding occurred has stopped." Teal'c gave the other man a firm look. "You have not explained why Major Carter hit you."

 

Jonas let out a heavy sigh and sat down on a nearby stool. "I know Major Carter has been feeling stressed, what with all the, er, personnel changes on SG-1, and now the Colonel's injury. So, I came to see if there was anything I could do to help." 

 

Teal'c nodded and this seemed to encourage Jonas. "You could literally see the stress radiating from her, so I decided to massage her shoulders."

 

Teal'c merely raised an eyebrow.

 

"It seemed to be helping," Jonas protested feebly. He sighed and looked bewildered. "And then, well, I...kissed her."

 

Teal'c's other eyebrow shot up. "Indeed."

 

"Just on her nape," Jonas quickly explained. "And then, she hit me."

 

"Jonas Quinn, why would you kiss Major Carter?"

 

"Because...she told me it's what she wanted... and I suddenly realised I was attracted to her."

 

"The only male that Major Carter desires to kiss her is Colonel O'Neill."

 

The look of confusion on Jonas' face only increased. "But, she said," he stuttered helplessly, "...the story...she wanted it all to come true."

 

All though Teal'c suspected he knew the answer, he asked anyway. "Of which story do you speak, Jonas Quinn?"

 

"Complete Control."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Sam stormed through the service line at the commissary, grabbing a bowl of jello and some iced tea. Glaring at the hapless server behind the counter, she signed the chit and stalked to her usual table. Men, she thought sourly, gulping down a spoonful of jello. He seemed so nice and harmless...hah! How could she have forgotten that all men were scum? Well, except for maybe one man...her feelings for the Colonel aside, what was she going to do about Jonas? Her life couldn't be more complicated right now and she really did not want to have to deal with an amorous alien. Suddenly losing her appetite, Sam sat her spoon down and stared glumly at her lovely blue jello. 

 

"Major Carter?"

 

She looked up and saw Teal'c standing in front of her, his expression was more serious than usual and he held a manila folder in one large hand. 

 

"You have done a great disservice to Jonas Quinn."

 

Sam sighed. Great, just what she needed, a scumbag man defending another scumbag man. "Teal'c..." 

 

He didn't say anything, just placed the manila folder on the table in front of her. "Read this before you pass judgement on Jonas Quinn."

 

Sam pulled the folder closer and Teal'c turned and left, not waiting to see if she opened it or not. Curious as to it's contents and why Teal'c felt she should read it, Sam opened the folder and started reading....

 

Some thirty minutes later Sam still sat in the commissary, staring at the open manila folder in front of her. She was mortified. The words from her little chat with Jonas about the samandjack list played gleefully through her mind. "I'd love it all to come true one day, and so would the Colonel." She groaned and buried her face in her hands. No wonder Jonas had made a pass at her, given the contents of Ness' latest fic! And just what she doing posting something like this to samandjack anyway? Holy Hannah! Could her life get anymore complicated? Sam sighed, lifting her head up out of her hands and straightening her shoulders. Her sense of honor dictated only one course of action. Gathering the papers together, Sam stood and left the commissary.

 

**************************

 

Unfortunately for Sam, the closer she got to Jonas' office the less clear her plan became. What on earth could she say to him that wouldn't embarrass them both? She finally reached his office and in mounting frustration, ran her hands through her already mussy hair. Just do it and get it over with, she told herself. Straightening her shoulders, she knocked on the partially closed door.

 

"Enter."

 

Sam peeked around the corner. "May I come in?" Sam took some small comfort in the fact that Jonas looked every bit as uncomfortable as she felt.

 

He nodded, his whole demeanor one of caution. "Sure." He stood as she entered, staying behind his desk. "Major Carter, if this is about what happened earlier..." Jonas started, his voice ringing with sincerity.

 

She held up a hand, "Yes, Jonas, it is. I..."

 

"Major Carter," he interrupted, "you've got to believe me, I am so sorry..."

 

"Jonas!" Sam interrupted him and fixed him with a stern look. He immediately shut up. "I'm the one who needs to apologize." She stepped closer to his desk and put the manila folder that Teal'c had given her on his desk. "After reading this, I can see why you thought I would be...receptive to your advances." She felt herself start to blush, good grief, she sounded like the heroine of a gothic romance!

 

Jonas opened the folder and she could see a corresponding blush develop on his face when he looked at its contents. His voice was subdued when he finally spoke. "When you were in here that day and told me about the list, I thought you had seen that story on my computer." Jonas shuddered. "Why would Ness post a story like that to samandjack anyway?"

 

Good question, Sam thought sourly. "Jonas, most things that happen on the list are unexplainable." He nodded in apparent agreement.

 

She sighed, okay, time to continue with her groveling. "Jonas, I am so sorry I hit you. If there's anything I can do to make it up to you...." As soon as the words left her mouth, his face brightened up, and she knew she was in trouble. 

 

"As a matter of fact, there is something you can do for me."

 

She nodded, feeling apprehension curl in her stomach. 

 

"I know there's a place for me here at the SGC, and if you could just give me the chance to prove myself..."

 

Okay, that she could do, she wasn't sure how, but she'd try. "All right," she said slowly.

 

"And...if you could put in a good word for me with Colonel O'Neill?"

 

"Jonas..."

 

His eyes grew shadowed and he tried to keep smiling. Looking at his forlorn expression, Sam couldn't help but notice his puffy lip and the slight bruise on his jaw and she was once more overcome with guilt. "All right, I'm not making any promises, but I'll see what I can do."

 

He gave her a genuine smile then and she started backing towards the door. "Thanks, Major Carter." She had just opened the door when he added, "Oh, by the way, Teal'c explained to me what you and the Colonel want to come true one day." Jonas' brilliant smile almost blinded her. "And he gave me some fic titles to look for!"

 

"Ah...good," she stammered. "I'll see you later, Jonas." She quickly left the office, starting once more to fume. Great, just what she needed, one more person speculating about her non-existent sex life with the Colonel! Wait until she saw a certain busybody Jaffa!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Meanwhile....

 

"So they are able to say when the wind shall blow and the birds shall sing?" Oma looked puzzled, in an enigmatic kind of way.

 

Taken aback by what for her was a remarkably straight question, Daniel didn't reply immediately. He just stared at her with his mouth open for a few moments. Then he shook himself and replied, “Yeah, they know what's going to happen at the SGC and particularly with SG1. They're sometimes a little off, but they're generally pretty accurate.”

 

Oma absorbed this information. “Are they ascended beings?” she asked earnestly.

 

Daniel stifled a grin. “I've heard them described as 'lost in space' or 'on a different planet', but ascended, no.”

 

Nodding, she said firmly, “I must become a member of this community. When the mists clear for others we must participate in their discoveries.”

 

“You can't bear missing out on gossip, you mean,” muttered Daniel under his breath. Then in a louder voice, he added, “You'll need a better net connection than letsallglow.com.”

 

She nodded again. “I will find a path that is straight and wide and leads to the fount of all knowledge.”

 

Daniel raised an eyebrow. That was one way to describe the samandjack list. He watched Oma turn and leave, then punched the air in triumph and yelled, “Yes!” at the top of his voice. He'd get his samandjack fix without leaving his own plane of existence. And no more trying to influence Jonas. His last attempt at that had been spectacularly unsuccessful. He had to admit he felt kind of guilty about what had happened. He really ought to try and make things up to him. But how? After what happened last time there was no way he was going to poke around in Jonas' mind again. Then he had a flash of inspiration. Of course, that was it! Grinning to himself, he headed off to Jonas' office....

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

When Jonas returned to his office after lunch, he was surprised to see a book lying open on his desk. As he got closer, he realised it was one of Doctor Jackson's diaries. He began to read...

 

"Jack can be so stubborn sometimes, everything has to be done his way, the military way. Sometimes I wish I had the guts to blackmail him - either we do it my way, or I go to General Hammond and tell him all about his relationship with Sam. I know there isn't really anything going on but it'd be difficult to deny if I showed the General the samandjack list...."

 

A slight breeze ruffled Jonas' hair as he smiled to himself. "Doctor Jackson, thank you very much," he said to the empty room.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A little later.... far, far away....

 

“Daniel.” Oma spoke softly, inclining her head towards the archaeologist. “I have accessed the fount of all knowledge as you suggested. I believe you may find this learning too.”

 

Daniel thought for a moment. “Ah! You've subbed to samandjack and I can sub too. Thanks.”

 

“However, I note that the fount of all knowledge have declared you will pay a visit to your friend, the one with the closed mind and the open mouth.”

 

“I'm going to see Jack?”

Oma nodded. “You may appear to him but if we discover you have disturbed the flow of the cosmos you will be caught in the swirling depths without hope of rescue.”

 

“If I interfere with his life directly I'll be...” Daniel paused, searching for a suitable metaphor.

 

“Up shit creek without a paddle,” offered Oma placidly. “Is that clear?”

Suitably chastened, Daniel nodded meekly. Perhaps telling Oma about samandjack wasn't such a good idea after all.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Later at the SGC...

 

"I don't think the General is going to take no for an answer much longer, sir." Sam stared at Jack over the table in the commissary. He sat gazing into his coffee and completely ignored her. She pursed her lips in annoyance at the lack of response from her commanding officer. Sometimes she wondered why she bothered. He chose that moment to look up straight into her eyes and give her that unbearably cute half smile that turned her insides to mush. Oh yes, *that* was why she bothered.

 

"Sorry, Carter. Did you say something?"

 

She idly stirred her coffee. Now was as good a time as any. "Actually, yes sir. I was thinking that you're going to have to choose a fourth for the team soon. The General's patience is wearing thin."

 

Jack frowned. "I take it you have someone in mind?"

 

"Jonas."

 

"Absolutely not." He looked at her suspiciously. "Did he put you up to this?"

 

Sam felt herself beginning to squirm. "Not exactly.... He just asked me to put in a good word for him."

 

Jack shook his head. "The answer is still no." Then he added, "Speak of the devil," and nodded towards the door. Sam turned to see a grinning Jonas heading straight for them. "That guy smiles too much," muttered Jack darkly as Jonas pulled out a chair and sat down.

 

"Colonel, Major," Jonas said brightly as he folded his hands on the table on front of him.

 

"Have you considered my request to join SG1, sir?" he asked politely.

 

"I'm afraid the answer is still no."

 

"Under the circumstances, I think you may want to reconsider, sir."

 

"And what circumstances might they be?"

 

Sam looked on curiously. Jonas seemed to be up to something... but what?

 

Jonas didn't leave her guessing for long. "The circumstances of the clones living in base housing without the General's knowledge." His smile broadened as he watched this information sink into the Colonel's brain. "Of course, I could forget all about little Marty and his parents in exchange for a month's trial on SG1."

 

"That's blackmail," protested the Colonel.

 

"And getting the General to sign for their housing in the way you did was probably fraud,"

 

Jonas replied, still smiling.

 

"Touché," muttered Sam.

 

"All right, you're in," muttered Jack with very bad grace. "... subject to Hammond's agreement."

 

"Thank you, sir. You won't regret it."

 

"Oh, I'm sure I will. I guess you cooked up this little plan with the help of the samandjack list?"

 

Jonas shook his head. "No, sir. Doctor Jackson gave me the idea."

 

"Daniel's dead!"

 

"Ascended," corrected Sam.

 

"Whatever," muttered Jack. "He's not around anyway."

 

Jonas grinned. "Oh I think you'll find he's still making his presence felt"

 

A gentle breeze wafted through the room and Daniel smiled. Finally he could go back to his own plane of existence and read his emails in peace.

 

THE END


End file.
